Wanting to stop it, always all the time..everyday, I am thinking of quitting, but i dont have the determination to even think of how..i always wanted to stop from doing it, but the situation always allow me to get back from doing it...i even tried to cut it down, but sometimes I tend to have more than 3..I even dread the day I have learned to do it..It was in Cubao and it was menthol..I was with a friend and it was just the two of us in her house, she asked me to try it..and I enjoyed it really..It wasnt a habit right away, my 1st bf also did it with me so I found it alright to do, until I finished college and I had my reviews, then I find it very relaxing..until when I work, then it became a habit..a habit I can't seem to stop..everyday, its like food, sleep, water, bath, its a part of my everyday routine..at first I didnt think of its consequences. I found it cool..Until I get married...

I wanted to stop..for my family, my hubby..and my soon-to-be  baby...someday, the Lord will give me health when He finally decide that a baby is meant for me..I will prmosie to myself, my hubby and my baby I will never and ever look back once I give it up..I hope that day comes because I am so wanting to having it stopped..

Oh well, I am trying to fix all my documents now..I'm just awaiting on the day to come that my hubby is here to share this life of mine with me here in UK..

At work, I was abit disappointed to the fact that someone told me that there were people who complained why I get more shifts than they do..perhaps they're thinkin that I am fishing for those shifts, though they never said that..Its just that the one whose making the shifts is a Filipina which is also a plus factor for them to think that I have more advantage than them..But the truth is, I only get like 3 days a week, or if its like 4 days, I only get most of them for half days..I don't have friends here to tell you honestly, never tried, I am concentrating more on saving money to get my hubby here and helping my sister out with her financial status..the only thing I ever did wrong was to isolate myself from my colleagues because I don't want to have anything to say to them..Some of them had got the humph with my Mom which is also my colleague..I never said anything cause I don't want to have any kind of arguments with them, all I ever did was work..and be good at it..I always make it to a point that even if I am not good at it atleast I am doing all my best to be a good worker...I am not bragging or anything but  it's not fair for people to be referring or even a person to be referring to me as how come ___'s daughter got more shifts that I do..It's not really fair..my lunch team saw how disappointed I was and I just kept on crying..all I ever said was I miss my hubby, because he's the only friend, the only real friend I got who understands why I feel this way and why I am so disappointed..he knows  don't like hanging out with people here cause I don't have the time...

Anyways, I am missing my few good friends back home...friends whom I trusted and who I talk to most of the time..I may not tell everyone what I feel, because I don't really want to open up everything, perhaps it is because I am just scrared that people won't understand or even try to..I just don't want to make a lot of effort..The only thing I wanted to come is for me to have him beside me, perhaps I am very blinded by my love...but if its true, I am not ashame of what I do..perhaps, I am only lonely..oh well, time will come, a friend will come, I know it will, sooner or later I will have friends here who I really wanted to share my life with...Thanks for reading it,,,

It is just one of those days that had got into my nerves but made me stronger hoping the next time won't hurt as much and no tears will fall in my eyes...

I just went to have a browse on the net and guess what I did try to search on google..of course my own name...and then i remembered...this blog site..i did wrote a lot of good thoughts here..Thoughts that once came in to me and me realized I am this far..

To all the people who left a comment on my blogsite, thank you so much..Many things have happened. I was able to go home and be with the love of my life..Home is really where the heart is. I was so happy seeing our country, the warmth, traffic in Manila, the humidity in the air, the fan in my room, the ipis in the corner of our house, the 1 peso boy bawang, the red horse and the pulutan, the isaw in kanto, the kwek kwek in the store, everything in our home was still the same, the air was still the same..The air was and is still home..The home where I grew up, where I became a girl, a teen ager, a woman, a lady...and then I became a wife..

And yes, me and my boyfriend decided to get married..he proposed on the day I arrived the airport.. I had the silver ring (which in fact was so precious to me because it was all he can afford) even before I arrived and it was really a proposal that he wants to marry me...I just didn't expect it...having been with him, I can't help but wonder why..Why do I feel that I am really home when I am with him..Why do I feel so much happy having him again beside me..Why do I feel so safe being with him.. Even at nights I dread of coming back to UK thinking that I won't be with him..I asked my Mom, at 1st she hesitated..Then she said whatever makes you happy go for it..I know it was all what I wanted for.

And 2 weeks before I go back to UK, I became a Mrs. We made our vows for each other. It was a simple church wedding..To tell you the truth it wasn't as elegant as I wanted it to be, but what is important, I have him, to love and to hold, in sickness and in health, till death so us part...I wanted to tell the whole world how much I love him and so I am now...

I left and came back here in UK to settle all my financial obligations by going back to my jobs. I have to save to earn the money we needed when my hubby comes here..To tell you honestly, my hubby is a bit shy when it comes on speaking english but I know he will be able to adjust when he gets here..I just wanted to build a family as soon as possible..We may not yet have established all material things. But as long as we have each other, we are the most blessed couple in the whole wide world..hopefully, God will help us in our endeavors while getting his visa..I hope it'll be easy for himand there won't be any hesitatiions coming from the embassy..As you know british embassy can be really strict sometimes...Anyway, if it is really meant to be, it will be...

Anyway, now he is not with me..I have been with my hubby for just 2 weeks but I assure to myself and him, we have a whle life to share when both of us are here..I am blessed to have him..I am blessed to tell you all that I am happily inlove and married..

It has been a year since my last article. Many things have changed, basically this blogsite is one of the best one I ever did since I had always the time on the net before when I was working in Sykes.

Now my life has change, I am situated here in UK working as part time nursing assistant and crew assistant as well. I dont want to elaborate, in other words 'utusan'.. Anyway, I was granted a resident visa 6 mos ago. Once, I wrote an article here that the british consul will decide my future, naahhh...I was the once who decided to go back here and have my visa changed from tourist..

On September I am planning to go back home where my true love is. We had lots of ups and downs in the past since we were so apart, and the only way we communicate is thru text, internet and phone calls, thank God for technology. Sonner or later me and him will decide to tie the knot...not this year though...

I just wanted to know where my life is leading me. But a friend told me 'Stop worrying too much about the future' and so I slept after that..dreamt..And when I woke up, decided to write an article on this blog cause this one had been with me 2 years back..and I would gladly say, I am happy, I am contented..Now I know, life is what you make of it, live today not in the past nor in the future. 'I know' I said to myself....

 Sleep and rest your tired body from the days never ending progression. You didnt mind the weariness that u felt then as long as you knew that everyone is fine. Just like how Jesus diedin the cross, you offered so many things in this life that no other man can do. You have madeto live your life like king JEsus in your own likeness with humility and so much full of love. It felt sad that I never get a chance to even meet you, but you will always have a way of staying here in my heart and each and everyone of us. I pay tribute to your dear Pope for being so gentle, so kind, so loving, indeed a once living example of how Jesus was on earth.. Thus, we pay tribute to everything you did....we thank you dear Pope, the Holy father...for the times spent with us, in spirit and most of all in prayers....You will always be with us...Time may change and  days may passed..but I will always say a prayer or two for the gratitude that you spent with us...We will never forget you..In Jesus anme, you rest...AMEN....

I have been very busy this weekends considering my grandparents are back from London
after a year of not having them to visit. We watched Manny Pacquiao's fight with Morales, all of us. It was a good fight due to the fact that our cock lost by 2 points. Though it was indeed a fight that wasnt lost since Pacquiao fought up till the end.

Well now works's has always been the same. Deafening and mind-boggling..Uh-huh, nothing new of course.

Someday rules will live by me and mine alone. Next month my verdict will be served. Dont wasnt to elaborate but I am awaiting to have my visa approved. Two weeks from now, the consul will decide my future.

Maan is my only sister, though by name and parents. This is her pic when she graduated BS Tourism at CEU last March 2002. I consider her my better half, my best friend, my confidante when we were younger. She follows what I say, considering that she has a mind of her own. Though I dont want to elaborate, my younger sister is the only closest family that I intend to keep for all my life. Circumstances changed after 2 months of graduation she had her 1st son, Rhyss, which is indeed a God's blessing how I love his curiosity on almost everything he sees and to top it all he is very intelligent. Then she got married 8 months after that, now the bond has been broken when she tied the knot with the father of her children. We had fights about my minding their business and giving her feedback on things to do. It hurts me alot when Im being misunderstood of what I said and done. I consider her as my family but eversince she had establish her own, the bond that connects us a family was broken due to mistrusts, idealization and sometimes jealousy of achivements. I know deep within her she still considers me as her friend, and way above that her sister who once was sharing with her the most important and even crucial things that happened not just in her life but also mine. It gives a pain on my throat to remain strong, thinking I wouldnt cry over spilled milk, but I am really hurt of things she dont understand and even on my own ways I dont even understand her. We may have different lives now, though it may soon come that I wont be able to see her everyday and I dont want that to happen coz her family, her children is one of the factors that makes me strong and fulfilled. I do love her yet without respect its really hard to move forward and take away the senseless pride. Though this blog may be considered private as it seems and she may not be able to read this but I wanted her to know even if I can say it to her later at home that I am still hoping for a deep understanding between us and not the clashes of immature ideas. She is important to me, all the rest, I hope she may feel that I am with her all the way of her life...Love yah sis!!!