JoyLazaro

Monday, January 17, 2005
STOP

Im in control. I know I am. I am very much in control of who I am and what I need to. Its just that there's one thing in my life that I wanted to STOP..and at the back of my mind I am always in the middle of throwing myself in the pit or stay alive and live more. As I inhale the deadly stick I think of its consequences..I think of why I ever became so addictive on one single thing that wont do me any good..The cravings..it really sucks!I dont need something that would ruin my existence. But everytime I think of stopping I know I can but the question is WHEN?.....I believe the right answer is NOW.What I am doing as a plan?
  • Pray hard.
  • Self-help.
  • Read books.
  • Candies as alternative.
  • self motivation.
  • No packs.

I am just human being, weak but I can improve on my struggles and stand up on my undertakings..I pray for absolution, for guidance, for mere acceptance. I wanted to live life until I'm old enough to understand everything, to compensate the  things I have done and make amends on my doings. I cannot solidify the fact that I am who I am, a person who needs to try to find out why, but considering the consequences I never had second thoughts but there are things that I really have to let go....

 


joylazaro wrote his/her thoughts @ 07:58 am
Sunday, January 16, 2005
TO BE A FAMILY

 I enjoyed my rest day, went out the first day to have my digicam fixed. It'll be ready after 2 weeks..damnit!Then got a haircut and relaxed for the entire day...Got to watch this old movie the Family Man, although it was on VCD.The movie was great. I normally get carried away on sad movies..probably because I dont know how its like to feel the emotions they are portraying that I usually cry. My concern now is that I'm thinking how wonderful it would be to have some one standing beside you. Not I, but us. Not me but we. A friend told me two days ago, before I could love anybody else I should learn to love myself...For now I have many inbitions, emotions make the mind not to make the right decison sometimes..What the heck.. I am just being practical..someday the Lord may provide a FAmily that I never had...

joylazaro wrote his/her thoughts @ 10:10 am
Thursday, January 13, 2005
Getting Married...

 A Girl's wedding dress

2 of my friends are getting married this year Mumai and Mhel.Im really happy for the two of them, excited to hear their stories about the wedding preparations and the aftermath,esp.the hoenymoon..So much that Im thinkin what its like but there's so many things for me to do before I move to that very important step in my life. It always surprises me that people really love each other so much that they wanted to spend their lifetime forever...And if forever does really exists. Anyhow..Two days off..so blogging would resume Monday....I got this wonderful thought.. I needed time to think, probably its better not to see anyone first..Im thinking that its possible but HOW?....

joylazaro wrote his/her thoughts @ 11:36 am
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
Lit'le Prince!Lit'le Prince!

The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery

 I was curious about this book. I havent read it but when I did a search on google, found an ebook which I will be reading when I get home. Probably after I finish reading the other one. I'll be at 630 next week..Loser! No hazard pay. This is what I get...Although my restdays are monday and sunday. I went to buy some groceries yesterday, alone again. Peggy invited me on her bday..dont know if I should come, possible there would be no familiar faces although they are my co-workers but they are all from night shift and its her team not mine..Loser!!!again...I hope I could have this over with.

When people can walk away from you let them walk.
Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The bible said that, they came out from us
that it might be made manifest that they were not for
us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have
continued with us. [1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you.
And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.

Let them go.And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just
means that their part in the story is over. And you've got
to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep
trying to raise the dead.

You've got to know when it's dead.

 


joylazaro wrote his/her thoughts @ 06:16 am
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
The Shining By Stephen King

I have been trying for almost 5 hours now here at work, this would be the first time I have accessed the blogdrive..The servers are being upgraded. Nothing relevant as of today.
I am currently reading on Stephen King's The Shining. I bought this book at Booksale for Php65..Last time I finished reading a love story. It didnt bring me to reality. Now I'm back reading about suspense thriller.

joylazaro wrote his/her thoughts @ 11:59 am
Monday, January 10, 2005
Getting old...

My digicam is broken. My mom gave me a Nikon Coolpix e775 last year, I was so happy having it! I really loved it..Though yesterday when I turned it on coz I'll be attending a party, the screen reported a system error..grr..I tried everything, removed the battery and the memory card..Still the same thing. It worked for just a little time while pressing the battery harder, the rotor of the lens moved but after that it didnt..So the camera is stuck without having the lens to close down coz again system error is what it reports on the screen..Just got the number from the web for the Nikon service shop in the Phinlippines, let's see if they can fix it...I hope so, i loved this camera..damnit!!!

I had a three days of rest. I was able to clean my room after a ver very long time. Now its pretty much looks like a room together with the new TV stand I bought last week. Then I had put my old carpet back to make it more elegant. So for now Im thinking of buying a new bed..Well, let's see I hope I could have the leave conversion and buy myself a cheap bed..

I am planning of having my share at the house together helping with our daily expenses. It might be a new thing for but it seem so pressuring to me coz this would be the 1st time my mom scolded me coz I think she wanted me to be a resposible lady now that I have been working for almost 3 years. She wanted me to shoulder some of the expenses, having said it made me really feel Im getting old..  I was cleaning my room, reading a book, watching dvs, did the laundry, wash the dishes, and sleep abit, then most importantly budgeted this month's expenses for the house..Grabeh!!!!!!Ang hirap tumanda dati binibgyan ka ng pera ngaun ikaw na ngbbgay...Grrr!!anyhow, I really wish I was home...My aunt from London arrived and she gave us money to buy some drinks...Un lng..Boring but true...

joylazaro wrote his/her thoughts @ 08:33 am
Thursday, January 06, 2005
KUDOS TO YOU JEFF!

Internment would be on Friday. I dont really want to talk about it, coz it makes me sad. RS summit has been my 2nd home away from home for two years, and the incident affected us all, as what I know, he will be remembered to those close to him or even those who knows him by his jolly ways on the floor. He's a real wiz, really cool, a good person, someone to remember, one of us, dealing with client support, helping out, though his customer may not remember him, but his co-workers will have a way of thinking that he was once a part of our lives..I may not know him that well.. But it seems the incident stike each and everyone of us to value everyone else that comes in and out of our lives...To a once good agent, fly high, have a wonderful journey and to a one good commendation not just on calls but to a once wonderful life..Kudos to you Jeff!!!...You've done well Boko..Thanks for all the memories...

joylazaro wrote his/her thoughts @ 01:41 pm
A true gentleman

If you are true gentleman, you would wait for a girl to come in the door, if you're a man, you would accompany a girl who doesnt have any feelings for u bust just plain friendship, but very much comfortable when she's with you. Although I think something is fishy, I kept thinking BADING ka siguro, perhaps you are intimidated by me kc mas lalake pako kumilos sau. O talagang ganyan ka lang, perhaps, I am just wasting my time thinking of it.Tama na ito...Kasi its not good to wrok knowing someone doesnt like you..So, ngaun di ko na gusto mkipagfriend sau!

Yessss!!!!!!I'll be on rest day tomorrow!!!!!!!yahooooo!!!!!!!I'll be back on Monday...

joylazaro wrote his/her thoughts @ 07:47 am
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
Two days and counting

Just an update from work.. My leave had been approved, so I would be on off for three days.. I did mock calls for new training agents yesterday. It was 3 hours without calls.. I missed my mentoring days though it was good to have had the experience.  I am not so inspired to write I just wanted my blog to be updated all the time.. customer:click on MSN..now waiitng fro the screen to come out..me:okei ma'm click on the icon and try to sign in...customer:wow its dialling!!!..whoaahhh im currenlty typing this blog while talking to that customer...
Im currently trying out a love story novel by Danielle Steel..To Love again, though I havent finished reading the novel find it dragging, we'll let' see. I bought 5 books, 2 michael crichton's novel, 1 stephen king, 1 vc andrews and 1 daniel steel for the price of Php 200. Of course, I buy books at BOOKSALE, very cheap..esp.for BOOKWORMS like me...if u know what I mean..Two days and counting, my restdays will soon come. I will have a 3 days off. Just wanted to rest and relax awhile..

joylazaro wrote his/her thoughts @ 11:46 am
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
So sleepy

What can I say? I am not on the mood right now.. Ewan ko ba. I wanted sleep..sleep.. My dream last night was like this..
Me, my sister, my friends all of us were smoking heavily in the house, my nephew and niece were breathing heavily. They were pleading with their eyes close. Hunnie came and saw me smoking, I would never forget the look on his face.. 'twas an emotion of dismay and loss of respect..Even in dream he haunts me with me that look when he sees me smoking...Got to stop but when and how?

joylazaro wrote his/her thoughts @ 08:53 am
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